Minia's Mundane Musings

If one believes in a parallel universe, life is fucking easy. Koi darr nahi hota, koi galti ho bhi gayi, Toh kisi aur universe ki kisi aur life mai sahi kar lenge. Is story mai agar Laila Majnu hain, aur judaii ka namak chakh na hi hamari kismat hai,  Toh kisi aur story mai toh pucca hum Prithviraj Samyukta ban jaate! Shayad jo hum sapne dekhte hain, wohi hamari parallel life hai. Is liye toh wohi itni zyade achhi lagti hai. Ek hi zindagi hai aisa soch kar hum hi depress ho jaate hain. Aisa sochein ki kahin aur kisi aur solar system mai humein hamara mukkamal jahan mil gaya hai. Mere parallel universe mai jhanko zara, Wahan koi rok tok nahi hai, Na pyaar jatane mai, Na ruthne manane mai, Na haq jatane mai, Koi tanhai nahi hai aansoo mai bheegi hui, Koi guilt nahi dil ki baat kehne mai. Tum meri jaan, mere kis universe mai ho? Is wale mai? Ya parallel wale mai? Socha toh samajh aayi ki do hi shabd hain mujh pe laagu - DISPOSABLE aur DISPENSABLE. Hai! In gajab labels ko rehne do yahi...

Technology isn't half so bad, It gives me flying kisses on a video call, And teaches me nuances of emoticons... There are hugs and kisses and liplocks and blushes. Miles become ashes and Relationships become lit coals. Double ticks bring me hope, Blue ticks cause palpitations, And vibrating beeps bring answers that please and delight and torture and frustrate and satiate! "Online" says wait and watch , it will be your turn soon, "Typing" says ye ! ye! I will have a message soon. Little dancing dots make me sigh and squirm and wiggle. A flash on my screen, A sliver of light dancing across it, A gentle vibration, A little slide of my thumb across the screen, A sneaky look at the message whilst on Zoom, No, nopes, nein, nada, There's no controlling it, That's a huge grin splitting my face.....

You have a smile that reaches not your eyes. You have a laugh that is warm, but it reaches not your heart. You have a teasing way about you, that holds me in thrall, But it reaches not your soul. You have a demeanor that is refreshing and calm, But it brings you no peace. You live for others, and yet have no one who could smooth your furrowed brow. If i could be granted one wish, It would be to see those beautiful eyes smile. If i could i would erase that frown. If i could i would hug your soul and bring you peace.

I know you didn't mean to. I know you didn't want to. But you touched a life. I know you are a rolling stone. But I know your heart is like a sponge I know you must absorb it all. And though you shouldn't have to, I know you carry it all, Yet through it all, You touched a life. I know you are a lone soldier, But I know you can be a knight in shining armour too, I know the blows you must have taken, Even though you say nothing at all, And even though you shouldn't have to, You bear the scars, Yet through it all, You touched a life. I know you are a tiger that prowls the forest in lone splendor. But I know you are the Bear that nurtures its own. I think I know the ambushes you must have repelled, And even though you are silent about them all, I think I know what you have lost, Yet through it all, You touched a life.

Do you know that in all the days that I have known you, I haven't heard you laugh even once? Do you laugh? Do you find anything funny? Do you have a sense of humor? Oh wait! What? What is that? You find my questions amusing? It's these that are making you grin? Of All the things I say and do, it's my questions which are making you smirk? How come I never noticed that one of your tooth overlaps the other? Just like a lion bringing down a deer. How is it that I never realised how one of your eyes closes almost completely when you smile wide? How did I never realise that your smile starts at your lips and becomes a twinkle in your eyes? How did I never see the twirl you give your moustache when you are shaking with laughter? How could I never know that mirth can be silent too? How many times did you laugh with me and I didn't even know? How many times did you laugh at me and I didnt even know? How many times did you turn away to hide a smile when I wasn...

Fracture I have several fractured bones, Some are just cracks, But the bone is still together. Some of them are more severe and have screws holding the bits together. A piece of  bone is even missing, it was beyond repair you see. I remember each and every time, I remember the pain lancinating through my body, I remember the drugs, I remember the helplessness, I remember the will it took to get me through each time. What I don't remember though, Is the times you fractured me. I can't count how many cracks you caused my soul to have. I don't even know when you caused the fissures in my heart to appear. Were the blows sudden? Were they pre-planned? Did you never know what your actions did to me? Or did you know and simply not care? Do you see this deep crack in my soul? It appeared when you created multiple Orkut accounts. Do you feel this fissure in my heart? You caused it when you cheated. Do you see these wrinkles on my soul? You brought them into b...

All is well All will be well All has to be well. It has to! Life is pretty shitty as it is. So I need to believe this.... All is well, Or All will be well. I can't be a negative Nellie, I can't insist that nothing will ever work out. Because I have to believe that it will all end well. I will meet some rotten apples along the way. But I shall also meet really good people too. I will be treated badly by some. But I know people will also pamper me. I have to believe that all will be well. I know some things won't work out the way I want them too. I also know that some things will fall perfectly into place. I know that there will be unexpected setbacks. But I also know that there will be unexpected windfalls. Just because one happens doesn't mean the other won't. I have to believe that all will be well. I will have some good hair days, And on other days my hair will be a frizzy mess. On some days all that I order will turn out to be crappy. An...

Dear Pain, You have been my companion for more than 10 days now, You have been searing at times, And dull at others. At times you have been a niggle And at times a full fledged maelstrom inside of me. Whatever you have been, You have never been absent. You have made your presence felt with each step that I took. You have been like a possessive lover, Who wants complete compliance, but wants to give nothing away. You haven't been gentle, You have been all consuming, It's time for us to break up. I know you are here for a reason, Had it not been for you, I wouldn't even know that there was anything wrong with me, But I'd like you to be more of a passing acquaintance and less a permanent resident, Please go now that you have done your job. I know that I won't live out my life without running into you, But, please, please, please make your visits shorter, Even if you can't reduce the frequency of your visits, At least reduce the intensity. ...

I will forgive you a lot, I will forgive you anything, I will forgive you everything. But never ever will I forgive your silences. You can bleed me, You can mutilate me, You can humiliate me. I will forgive it all. . . . . But your silences, I will never forgive. You can hurt me, You can whip me, You can ruin me, And I shall still forgive you. But your silences, No! I shan't forgive those. You can isolate me, You can push me away, Nothing will stop me loving you, I will forgive it all.... But your silences are unforgivable..... You can take away your love, You can take away your care, You can take away your respect, I will forget and forgive.... But your silences I shall punish.... You can push me away, You can reject my love, You can tell me not to care, I will still be able to forgive you, But your silences are an unforgivable crime.... You can take away my peace, You can take away my happiness, You can take away my will to live, I wi...

I wish you weren't the first thing I think of when I wake up. I wish I didn't fall asleep with your name on my lips. I wish it weren't only your calls that mattered. I wish it weren't only your messages that I didn't leave unanswered. I wish it wasn't your voice that overrode all the others in my head. I wish it wasn't your face that haunts me. I wish I could stop missing you even when I am in the company of others. I wish I could stop wanting you even when I know you aren't mine to long for. I wish I could think only of your faults and hate you. I wish I could stop loving your idiosyncrasies. I wish I didn't understand your conflict. I wish I didn't understand your need to push me away. I wish I could make you stop hurting me. I wish I could make you stop hurting you. I wish I knew how to share your burden. I wish I knew how to make the pain stop. I wish you would let me care. I wish you would let me love.

Stop Loving The problem is never how to love? How much to love isn't an issue either. The biggest problem is how to stop? Turning on the switch is actually ridiculously simple. Sometimes the switch snaps on. At other times it drops down with excruciating slowness. Sometimes there is fuzzy logic involved. But once the switch is on, you will find it a herculean task to turn it off. However slowly the penny drops, once it is slotted, it's almost impossible to retrieve. The penny at times hits a jackpot, And your life is filled with riches. At times the penny yields nothing and you move on. But the tough part is when it was your last penny, and now it's gone and the casino is the only winner and you are left with less than nothing. Whatever the case, you aren't seeing that penny again. Falling in love is like being at the airport. Most of us are able to board the flight correctly, But some of us end up missing our flights, In spite of doing it all right. ...

There's a stringless kite fluttering in the breeze. Once the kite was a glorious thing. It had a long tail fluttering behind it. And it's spine was strong and supple. It's frame was sturdy and strong. It's colors were pure and vibrant. It wasn't the prettiest of kites, but it was full of life and hope. It flew strong and proud above tree tops, and balconies and the tallest of buildings. It skimmed the skies and flirted with the heavens. It spoke the language of the rushing winds, And rode alongside the clouds. Once it submitted to a little boy. The boy became the kite's anchor. The kite loved the flights it could achieve when nestled in his hands, But the boy couldn't handle the kite. The kite flew fast and wild. The boy struggled to keep up. The kite's glassed thread ripped from his fingers, It cut his hand, It made him bleed, It made him ache. The kite flew far away. The boy cried over his cut, But soon forgot the pain, Moved o...

What could make you more vulnerable than a call which you want to make, but which you know will be met with only silence? So if I make this call over and over again, does it make me a romantic? Does it mean  I am in love with this person? Does this mean I have no self respect? Do I really care ? Would I make this call over and again? Hell Yes!!!! Every single time..... What could make you more vulnerable than making a clean slate of your feelings and then being rebuffed? So if I still made clear my feelings over and over again and was rebuffed time and  time again, does it mean I am a doormat? Does this mean I am a masochist? Hell yeah! I would tell you what you mean to me each day of the week and twice on a Sunday! What could make you more vulnerable than letting him know that he owns you heart and soul, and then having him evaluate pros and cons? So if the Cons came up stronger than the Pros, and I still clung to his sleeve would it make me a needy dumbass? H...

Did you ever realize that the echoes are the loudest and the longest when the hollowness is the deepest? Did you ever realize that the echoes are sometimes not the same as the original? Did it ever occur to you that the echo of laughter could be a wail? Did you ever hear a giggle turn into a sob? Did you ever hear a smile turning into a desperate cry for help? Have you ever heard a loving whisper ricochet across a hollow heart and echo back as a broken voice? Have you ever heard a lover's hug crawl across a dark space and return to make you feel wretched? Have you ever seen the warmth of a caress echo back as a haunting loneliness? Have you ever felt the tender clasp of a beloved turn into a grasping nothingness? Can you see how the echoes of everything turn into nothing? Can you see how borrowed time turns to ashes? Can you see how a fractured fate returns to echo as shards of sorrow? Can you see how the echoes of all that is impossible, remain i...

I have no time limit and no fixed slot for you. Never have! Never will! You on the other hand have me neatly slotted. You speak to me only when time permits. You have fixed a time limit, And you have fixed frequencies. I am aware the slots shall keep reducing. I am aware the frequency shall keep decreasing. That's alright my love. I am your pass time. You encompass me, All I think of is you, All I want is you, You are in my prayers, And you are the answer to my prayers. I am your Saturday thought, And your Sunday timepass, I am the crutch you hate and need, I am the splint your broken heart needs, I am the splint that shall be cast aside once the heart is mended. That's alright my love, I am your pass time. You are in my weekdays, You are in my work place, You are in my heart and soul, You are the reason I smile, And you are why I see the sunrise. I am your temporary love, I am the tea bag in your tea service, I am the voice that puts you to sleep,...

The conversations are all aborted now, They now have a time limit. The words are minced, They are untrue. The conversations are all fake now, Neither says what they actually want to, The silences occupy more space than the words, These silences are the only truth. The conversations are all guarded now, The need to connect is still as urgent as ever, The need to know all the details still predominates, But the tongue hesitates. The conversations are filled with inanities, The voice is modulated, The tone is carefully selected, And yet the hollowness echoes. The conversations are all stilted, But the words overflow, Never before did it occur to me how effectively words can act as a shield, Never before did I realise how well meaningless words can camouflage meaningful silences.

One can pretend to stop caring, But it doesn't actually stop. It seeps through the cracks, It oozes. One can pretend to stop missing, But the loneliness doesn't leave you, It forges it's way through, It still makes you hurt. One can pretend to stop wanting, But the needing doesn't end, It keeps spreading it's tentacles, It still makes you reach out. One can pretend to stop loving, But the heart hurts, The words might reject, But the heart knows the truth, It makes you cling on.

I have met an eagle with broken wings. Once he soared in the skies . Once he touched the moon Now his wings are broken, He takes no flight. He doesn't moult anymore. He is living with dry feathers. He doesn't hunt anymore. He has made his eyrie his world. His eyes are dull and full of despair. He cringes on being touched. He has forgotten how to keep himself warm. I wish I had known him when he was whole. I wish I had seen him flying high in the clear blue skies. I wish I could have stood on the ground and admired him from afar. I wish I had seen him hunt for prey. I wish I had seen him swoop in for the kill. I wish I had seen him feeding his family. I wish I had seen him teaching his eaglets to fly. I wish I had seen him somersaulting in the skies with his mate. I wish I hadn't seen this broken eagle... I wish I could see the eagle take flight again. I wish I could see him dipping and diving and being the master of the skies. I wish I could splint h...

Do we really need to talk? You know what I shall say, And I know what you will say. Do we really need to call each other? You know what you want to say, And I never am allowed to say what I really want to. Do we really need messages? I know you don't want them, And I know they will be deleted. Do we need really need to know how our days went? I know you will have done whatever you wanted, And you know I would have followed your instructions to the letter. Do we really need to reaffirm that this journey has no destination? I know you will not want to hear my view, And I shall choke down my opinions. So do we need to communicate? Or do we need to shut down?

You and me, We are nothing, We mean nothing, There's no Us! We are a summary of  nothingness. We are a summary of infinite possibilities, And yet we will exist in a summary of zero outcomes. We, you and me, not us, Are incomplete apart, And yet together we are a summary of triviality. We are in a fragile bubble,You and me, The world shimmers and shines through this bubble, And yet our summary is consumed by darkness. We are in limbo, You and me, We sway in a united rhythm, And yet our summary is a masterpiece of unsynchronized steps. We are a series of love songs, you and me, We sing in harmony, And yet our summary is engulfed in discordant notes The pointlessness of you and me overwhelms me, The unexplored potential of Us saddens me, And yet somehow an alternative summary escapes me.